This is going to be the tale of friendships and heart aches so buckle up and enjoy the ride ! The reason there is an @ beside each name is that these R the twitter names of these folks.
A few months ago I was roaming the rooms at Ustream.tv until I went in to my friend @iellie 's room and met a new guy @admorales. He seemed very interesting so I decided to check his stream. When I went to his stream he was laying in his bed and there were a few other peeps in his chat room one of the peeps was a person called @rachelbabble .I started talking to @rachelbabble and found her to be an interesting person. BTW @rachelbabble is a designer and she is the one who has designed @admorales website www.admorales.tv and her own website is www.rachelfinley.com . A few nights later on a Thursday night I had my QTV show on Ustream.tv and @admorales and @rachelbabble showed amongst other viewers in the chat !! I was very happy to C them . By then I knew @rachelbabble was a girl but I had not seen her yet!! . A few nights after that @rachelbabble started streaming on ustream.tv and my first impression when I saw her was "WOW !!! What a babe !!! " Ofcourse soon I found out that she has a boyfriend and my raw man urges subsided LOL . A few nights went by and I had learned a few things about @rachelbabble including the fact that she is a design student in college and a geek like myself !!! As I got to know her better I found out that she really is a sweet person. A few nights passed and I introduced 2 of my friends to her @harveyfrank and @soundlesschaos (Josh) . That was one of the biggest mistakes I had ever made cause Josh has always had a reputation for having a thing with online girls !!! U C @rachelbabble is one of the sweetest people Ull ever meet. And after a while I got attached to her as a friend maybe even too attached but just as friends and nothing more. Some time passed and I realized that there is something brewing between @soundlesschaos (Josh) and @rachelbabble. I found out that @soundlesschaos (Josh) is starting to have feelings for @rachelbabble !!!. Now what U guys dont know is that @soundlesschaos (josh) has a girl friend called @chaoticlove08 (Amanda). Our friendship between the 4 of us ( @rachelbabble @soundlesschaos @harveyfrank and @jerbear83 (jeremy @rachelbabble 's best friend) ) was getting so tight that we would spend hours and hours every night on Skype hanging out, playing online games and other stuff.
Let me emphasize that @rachelbabble did not have any feelings for @soundlesschaos (Josh) but he had feelings for her. I tried to warn both parties (@rachelbabble and @soundlesschaos) that this could not end up pretty !! I will emphasize again that @rachelbabble never ever had any feelings towards @soundlesschaos but in his mind he was having a relationship with @rachelbabble !! He even went so far as telling @rachelbabble that when he is having sex with @chaoticlove08 (Amanda) he thinks of @rachelbabble !!!. Countless and countless times @rachelbabble had to tell @soundlesschaos that she is not in to him that way she just wants him as a friend !! Anyways It turns out that @Chaoticlove08 was fed up with her Boyfriend @soundlesschaos (Josh) hanging out all the time with @rachelbabble on skype and she was getting jealous of the interest that Josh was developing for @rachelbabble !! It gets soo bad that one day when @chaoticlove08 walks in to @soundlesschaos 's bedroom she just says @rachelbabble is a whore !!! From there on @soundlesschaos was a no show to our skype activities and gaming for a loooong time !! He was forbidden by his girl friend @chaoticlove08 (Amanda) from doing soo !! After a while he did get back online and things were normal for a short period of time !! Until one day early in the morning news broke out on twitter that @chaoticlove08 has left @soundlesschaos !! They had broken up !! Me (@paykan) and @rachelbabble got on skype as soon as we heard to comfort @soundlesschaos !!! In this time Josh kept saying how happy he is now that he is free and can be his own man and talk with who he wants and hang out with who he wants and there is nobody to boss him around !!!
After a while @chaoticlove08 called @soundlesschaos and said ill be there in a few to pick my things up. At this point I jokingly asked Josh if there is a possibility of him and Amanda getting back together when she comes to pick her stuff up !!And then we all chuckled at my question thinking that would be impossible !!
*( a note I have to add is that in this short friendship period of roughly one month between Josh and Rachel there was about 1700 hours of phone calls from Josh to Rachel !! )
Well right at this point I knocked a glass of water over my laptop !! Therefore I didnt have access to the internet until the morning after !!
Well when I woke up the morning after it was like I was living in a whole different dimension !! I was told by @jerbear83 (www.jeremymachetta.com) @rachelbabble 's best friend that apparently Josh and Amanda had gotten back together when she went back to pick her things up and now Josh is not talking with @rachelbabble anymore !! I was shocked even though I kind of knew this could possibly happen !! And that same day Josh and Amanda co wrote an email to @rachelbabble so mean spirited that it made her sob on skype when she read the email !! That is when the friendship between Josh and Rachel was officially over !! So was my friendship with Josh and Amanda !!
A while passed and I started noticing something. I noticed that for some reason Josh was always treated better than me. It seemed to me that he had all the advantages of a true friendship with Rachel while I was getting the short end of the stick !!. He would do what ever he wanted say whatever he wanted act however he wanted and not once did he EVER get a time out or a talk back or a punishment from Rachel for any of that !! Now I maybe wrong about this, and this is where Id ask all the parties involved to correct me if Im wrong !! I did not say anything to Rachel about these thoughts and thought that they would just go away but instead they festered and it got to a point that I couldnt take it anymore and one day I just lashed out at Rachel on twitter saying something along the lines of My Sweetest best friend doesnt give a shit about me !!!.
Now C I am man enough to admit to my mistakes and letting my feelings fester like that and lashing out was one of them !!
What was really hurting me is that I know Rachel is a caring and sweet person but it always felt like I was treated like a second class acquaintance and Josh was treated like the King Of The World ! Again if I am wrong please correct me here guys. I never quiet understood the extreme close friendship between Josh and Rachel. I mean it was to the point that every time Josh needed someone or needed a shoulder to cry on Rachel would drop everything she was doing and rush to his rescue to comfort him !! After all there was the 1700 hour phone call and the basically 24/7 skype thing !! with the exception of Rachel's class time !!. Let me emphasize again that as far as I know Rachel did not have any feelings for Josh in that way !!
Anyways from this point on this question stayed in my head that Y was I treated so differently than Josh? Some may even say I became obsessed with it !! I tried talking to Rachel about this several times in private and each time Rachel would get upset with me and avoid answering the question and just leave the conversation right in the middle of it. One time Rachel did say that she NEEDED Josh and thats Y she treated him differently. But thats the only answer I ever got from her !!! This made me even more upset and curious about the status of my friendship with Rachel that I just decided to up and leave all my Internet activities for a whole week to give Rachel some time to miss me and to also C if anyone even notices me being gone !! The reason I did that is cause I had noticed that every time it was just me streaming video nobody would show up to my chat even thought I tweeted about it but as soon as someone like @admorales showed to my chat and I tweeted that I was streaming and hanging with him others including Rachel and Jeremy would pop in to my chat as soon as they could to hang out and chat !! I thought to myself I have obviously become boring to my friends Rachel and Jeremy cause I have made myself too available too them.
Now I was planning to disappear for a whole week but on the second day I was caught in away and Rachel was pissed at me in some regards with good reason cause she had been worried about me. I now do understand that perhaps I should have talked to Rachel and Jeremy instead of just disappearing on them like that and making them worried. For this I got a time out from Rachel (she is famous for giving me time out punishments !! ) for a few days !! Until one night out of the blue @harveyfrank showed up to my ustream chat and surprised us all cause we had not seen him for a loooong time cause him and Josh R best gaming budddies and hang out 24/7 !!!. Now guess I should go alittle further back and give U some details for this part of the story. C this is how caring and sweet @rachelbabble is, @harveyfrank does not have an ideal living condition and he is always complaining about the fact that him and his mom can not afford to have any food or pay their rent !! So one day (before Josh and Rachel's friendship went belly up) @rachelbabble just decided to bake a whole batch of muffins for @harveyfrank and send them over to him !! Now keep in mind that none of us have ever met in person !! This kind of kindness is very rare these days !! Anyways after a few days @harveyfrank gets the package and eats one of the muffins and gets sick right after !! Apparently the muffins had gone bad in the few days it took for them to get to @harveyfrank !!!. A while after this hapened and certainly aloong time after Josh and Rachel's friendship went belly up one night Josh Amanda and @harveyfrank decided to show up to my Ustream chat for no reason at all !! Rachel also showed up to C Y these folks R back and whats going on !! Apparently that night @harveyfrank sends out a tweet accusing Rachel of wanting to kill him by sending him bad muffins !! LOL Rachel never ever removed @harveyfrank from any of her contact lists as far as I know, I maybe wrong and correct me please if I am !!! But I know for sure that she never ever removed him from her facebook friends list!! Fast forward to the night that @harveyfrank showed up to my chat surprising all of us and all he did was a simple appology to rachel and all of a sudden everything was fine between them !! That very same night ina PM I asked Rachel Y she did not remove @harveyfrank from her Facebook list and she said something along the lines of Keep your friends close keep your enemies closer and then she continued Not that I think of @harveyfrank as an enemy !!! . I have to tell U that @harveyfrank is a nice guy but he is a bit of a blow with the wind kind of a person and he knows it too cause Ive told him that to his face !! Anyways that night Rachel showed up to my chat after afew days of not talking to me and we both agreed that we need to sit down and have a talk about our friendship, infact she was the one who suggested that !! I said ok that is a good idea. Cause Rachel said that if we dont have a talk our friendship will never ever be the same again. Knowing how busy Rachel is cause of her school work I asked her to let me know when she has the time for us to have an audio (skype) conversation about our friendship and she agreed with me . A few days passed by and she did not yet give me a time for talking. I thought to myself thats fine she is busy Ill remind her again and wait. When I did remind her she said something along the lines of nah we dont need a talk we should just move on !!! I was a little surprised by this ,specially since she was the one who suggested it at first,and didnt expect it but went along with it. Everything was shaky fine until a couple of days ago !!
A couple of days ago something personal happened to me that made me extremely depressed and sad. I wrote a few tweets that may have sounded suicidal but that was not my intention. Right here I willl appologize to anybody I may have upset worried or offended by these tweets. Anyways that night in @Lordo 's Ustream chat I PMd Rachel and told her that I was having a crappy day and I needed a friend to talk to and I asked her if she was going to be available for a few minutes on AIM cause I just neeeded a freind to be there for me. From what I gather she had not seen my tweets yet at that time, I may however be wrong. In response she told me that she cant be on AIM tonight cause she is planning a party !!!
I was shocked. I mean this is a person that claims to be my best friend and yet she cant spare me a few minutes when Im telling her I need a friend to be there for me cause Ive had one of the crappiest days ever? The same person that every time Josh needed a shoulder to cry on, would drop everything she was doing to rush by his side either on skype or on the phone !! WOW !! WOW !!
Anyways dazed and shocked by this I sent a message on twitter saying "
true friends show themselves when U ask them to be there for u and they flat out reject it !! LOL ".
The next day in @admoarales 's ustream chat I appologized to rachel for that comment on twitter cause I felt bad about it. Earlier in the day Me and @jerbear83 basically had The talk on twiter through Direct Messages. I sent These Direct Messages to Rachel as well that morning on AIM. After reading them instead of answering my questions once more she totally avoided them and instead brought up the topic of my Tweets from the previouse day ( the ones some people thought were suicidal ). I have to tell U that unfortunately Rachel has had to deal with Suicide in her real life but I wont give U too much detail out of respect for her privacy. And I guess reading my tweets had brought up bad memories from her past in her real life. I would like to appologize one more time for offending or upsetting or worrying anybody with those tweets but they were mis worded by me and mis read by people. Anyways Rachel can not C away past this and she decides to END our friendship.
A little later that day got a skype call from Chris Rachel's Boy Friend, and while he really is a nice guy, he accused me of verbally harassing Rachel with those tweets and sending her too many messages on different IM programs through out our friendship period !! After that call ended I PMd Rachel and asked her if I have harrased her in any way and she flat out denied it and said she was not the one saying those things to me those R just her BoyFriends feelings !!!!!
Anyways The Friendship has Ended, time to move on and on that note Im really looking forward to this weeks TNT show on ustream.tv !!!
UPDATE: FEB 16th 2009
I now feel empty , like Im gutted out, like I have lost the best thing I had, Very sad Depressed and down :(
UPDATE: FEB 22nd 2009
Slowly starting to feel better and trying to put things behind me
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